“If I could wish for one thing in my life, it would be that my children grow up happy,” says Diane, a mother of two girls, ages 6 and 2. Diane is not alone. A research study conducted in 67 countries interviewed parents from diverse cultures, faiths and income levels about what they most wished for their children. The number one answer, by a long shot, was happiness. Every parent wants his or her child to be happy. If you are a parent, you know how true this is.
“Unconditional love is only interested in happiness” Dr. Robert Holden.
Interestingly making someone else happy is beyond our control. We are solely responsible for our own happiness. Due to temperament children experience and react to the world differently, what makes one child happy will not necessarily make another happy. People who are optimistic tend to feel more happiness than those who are pessimistic. Money, power, education does not make happiness. What is a parent to do?
Parents can help children discover their happiness. Some children do not notice when they are happy, by pointing it out to them they will feel the happiness for a longer period of time and they will begin to notice all the things in life that bring them happiness. It is also important for your children to see you finding happiness. When something happens and you feel happy, verbalize it out loud. You want your little munchkins to hear you rejoice with every happy moment. Go on a happy hunt, give yourselves a sticker every time you feel happiness. Then reflect on your happiness chart at the end of the day. Remembering how happy you were will cross out all the experiences that did not bring joy. Happy is not the opposite of sad or angry, the opposite of happy is the absence of happy.
For parents who have depression or have a child with depression. Lifting the depression does not mean that you or your child will feel happy. Even when the depression is gone, one still needs to notice happiness to feel it and keep it.
What makes you happy? What do you think brings feelings of happiness to your child?
I asked my younger son, “what gives you feelings of happiness”. At first he said, “I don’t know”. He left the room to go and play, in 10 minutes he returned with a big smile on his face. “I feel happy when I am playing with my friends”, he gave me a big hug and said, “I feel warm when I hug you and happy after”.