Play Time: The Benefit of Rotating Toys

Rotating toys and books provides children the opportunity to focus when they play. When the brain is focused it can better master the learning tasks at hand.

There are piles of research demonstrating how valuable play is to the developing brain. I found a particularly interesting study: A longitudinal study was conducted not too long ago that measured the complexity of children’s block play at age 4 and then tracked their academic performance through high school (Wolfgang, Stannard, & Jones, 2001).

Researchers found that the complexity of block play predicted a child’s mathematical achievements in high school. The children who used blocks in a more sophisticated manor as preschoolers had stronger math scores and took more math courses (including honors’ courses) as teenagers. We know that if a subject is interesting and stimulating our brains will want more of it.

More interestingly, the association between block play and math performance remained even after researchers controlled for a child’s IQ. This tells me that block play in itself influenced the cognitive development of these children. Whether it be that it helps the brain understand the foundation under math or it sparked an enjoyment of math, what matters is the end result.

If we rotate toys and books, the brain is given the opportunity to engage fully in what is available without being over stimulated.  A playroom filled with toys can cause over stimulation and “scattered play”.  Unfortunately, scattered play kills the opportunity for the brain to successfully master a concept or skill.  The brain may learn about the concept, but the concept will not be mastered.

What is a Parent to DO?

These are merely ideas pulled from what I did with my boys when they were younger.  Hopefully something resonates with you and is useful.

BOOKS

1) It helps to keep a small book shelf in your child’s room for his/her favorite book selections. These books stay in your child’s room and are great for easy access during bedtime.

2) All remaining books can be organized by theme.  For example books related to spring can be put in a see through container labeled Spring. Within that theme you may want to group the books according to subject: bugs, rain, beach, etc…

3) You will need 1 canvas tote for rotating your books. During Spring use the books in your “Spring” collection.  Maybe the first week the bin will have books related to bugs, the second week the bin will contain books related to rainbows, etc…

TOYS

1) Think of your toys as objects that your children need to learn from.  Your play area will have 3 categories/themes in addition to 1-2 larger play items.  If your child is under 12months of age he/she more than likely does not yet have a play kitchen or train table. For this age group keep their toy groupings at around 3. Group your toys into the following categories: drama & make believe, building & constructing, puzzles, music & instruments, games.  

2) Every 2 weeks set-up your play area so that 3 groupings/categories are available for play.  Try to coordinate the play with what is happening in your child’s real world.  For example: when Spring is approaching think bugs, gardening, baby animals, etc… Items that are available for play will be placed in canvas bins.  This makes clean-up really easy!  Children can make a complete mess, but when it is time to clean-up it is easy for them to place the items back into the bins where they came from.  Easy Peazzy!! 

3) Larger play items like kitchens or train tables simply remain.  However you can change which items go with the large toy.  For example for two weeks the train table maybe used for the train, the next 2 weeks it is for lego, the next 2 weeks for playmobile.  The kitchen during one week can be used as a restaurant, the next 2 weeks as a store, maybe even Mrs. Clause’s kitchen during Christmas. You will merely switch-up the smaller items that go with the larger item.  If you enjoy costumes, you can have costumes for all the different themes and fun accessories.  When the kitchen is a restaurant you can make menus with your children and pretend money.  The possibilities are endless.

4) Items that are not in use can be stored in labeled bins.  Choose stackable bins that can be placed in a closet or against a wall and covered. I have to admit that our basement contained two shelving units of stacked bins.  Before a play date I would ask my boys which toys they would like to bring out.  We would have a blast looking through the bins and picking out special play items.

ARTS and CRAFTS

Arts and crafts are so important, it is ideal to have your child do something artsy once a day.  To keep it interesting for your child’ developing brain you will need to rotate the art offerings every week.  For example week 1 could be all about ripping and gluing.  Day 1 you could give your child several magazine pages to rip, Day 2  your child can glue the pieces onto paper, the following day you could have your child circle or paint over everything that is blue on their collage, etc… During week 2 we will not do any ripping, maybe we will focus on crayons.  The art station will only have crayons, paper, and coloring books.

Most importantly join in on the fun for at least 30-60 minutes a day. 

If you rotate toys how do you do it?  Was it helpful or a lot of work? Did you see improvement in your child’s ability to play independently? We want to know!!

Temperament

Temperament

Parenthood opened many doors to strange lands.  Across unfamiliar terrain I walked, tripping over every bump on my path. Without a map or compass to guide me, I searched and searched for answers. Navigating the way was my brand new ball of energy; he crawled and climbed every waking minute of the day, when he wasn’t moving he was babbling.  

Crawling at 5 months of age, walking before 10 months of age, running before his first Birthday and climbing was his favorite sport.  My little guy never stopped, his naps were short-lived, he had endless curiosity, was persistent to no end, and needed to be in my presence 24/7.  Okay, I have to admit that I was worried and I felt incompetent as a parent, a parent who worked as a Child and Family Therapist. 

On the last day of my never-ending search, I found an amazing book. The title made me stop, “Raising Your Spirited Child”.  Spirited, that described my little guy perfectly and as I read through the book I saw him on every page.

 Learning about temperament gave me a complete paradigm shift. It changed my parenting, my relationships with others, and it changed how I worked with people in my private practice.  We are all born with a combination of nine different temperament traits.  These traits are with you for life.  The combination of these traits and how you were raised forms your personality. If your parenting matches the temperament of your child, your child grows-up with a strong sense of self, positive coping skills and your relationship with your child will feel respectful and mindful.

 Interested in learning more about Temperament, our next workshop runs on Sunday, January 29^th. Go to www.seedsofdiscovery.ca to reserve your spot.

The Power of Play

To play is to learn.  There is extensive research that shows how critical play is to a child’s development and well being.  When an adult participates in a child’s play that play becomes even more meaningful.  Did you know that children under the age of 5 learn best from one on one play with an adult?  You are your child’s most valuable teacher and playmate. 

 A new report from the AmericanAcademyof Pediatrics says, free and unstructured play is essential for helping children reach important social, emotional, and cognitive developmental milestones as well as helping them learn how to manage stress. (www.aap.org/pressroom/playfinal.pdf)

As a play therapist and child development specialist I come across many children who do not know how to play.  You may be thinking, “how can that be, children know how to play naturally”.  Unfortunately due to TV watching, video game playing, toys with little play value, and overscheduled lives many children no longer play effectively.  I often see “scattered play”.  Scattered play is when children spend 5-10 minutes on one play item than move to the next item without starting or finishing any type of play sequence.  A child learns from their play when they are able to spend more than 20 minutes in one play sequence.  A play sequence has a beginning, middle and end.  It is like watching a story unfold, with characters, usually a problem or dilemma to solve, and an ending.  When children play they are practicing problem solving and coping skills, trying on new identities, mastering difficult emotions, trying to understand the world and relieving stress.

What can you do??

1) Provide ample opportunities for unscheduled, independent, child-directed play.  This is the type of play that happens at home, on the playground, or in an organized but unscheduled playgroup. 

 2) Provide your child access to “true toys” such as blocks, puzzles, dolls, action figures, basically toys that spark the imagination.  Remember to have art materials on hand such as paints, crayons, scissors, glue and lots of large paper.

 3) Share unscheduled spontaneous play time with your children, a minimum of 30 minutes a day.  Allow your child to lead and direct the play. Think of it as a movie and your child is the director; they need to do the work, not you.  At home designate a room as the playroom, try not to over load it with toys, this can contribute to scattered play.  Instead rotate the toys bi-weekly or monthly. 

 Most importantly let the dishes and housework sit for 30 minutes and play with your child.  You will have a great time together, develop a new understanding of who your child is and will nurture your feelings of closeness.  You are your child’s most valuable teacher.

 You can discover more about the Power of Play during our workshop on Monday October 24 9:30-11:30, and children are always welcome!

Brain Science: Cursive writing fuels brain power

Cursive may be tedious and as adults we may choose not to use it, but it helps our children’s brains develop and it can be fun.  Apparently, it’s better for lefties and children struggling with dyslexia. 

Cursive writing plays a role in wiring the brain, in establishing stronger circuitry that enables children to better absorb and analyze information.  For children with Dyslexia it is an easier process than printing, because the words have a definite beginning and end.  When studying spelling words, cursive writing makes it easier to recall the words when using the word in future written work.  

I found a fantastic article written by Andrea Gordon from the Toronto Post.

“With progress comes loss. Cursive’s flow works the brain differently and builds distinct cognitive skills. Handwriting reinforces reading and spelling, develops motor memory as it becomes automatic, teaches students to focus and may help them remember what they learn.”

Read her full article.

http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/education/schoolsandresources/article/736263–the-death-of-handwriting

What do you think – should schools make us learn things we might not use as adults because it develops our brain pathways? If your teacher was not teaching cursive writing would you move forward and teach it to your child?

Parental Separation Anxiety

With the first day of school fast approaching, many parents are beginning to feel anxious.  If you are one of those parents, you are not alone.  It is normal to experience Separation Anxiety when your child leaves home, goes off to school, moves into the next stage of development, or even goes off for an overnight with Grandma and Grandpa.  The primary caregiver is the one hit hardest by this unusual fear.  Apparently this feeling is even stronger in parents who have singletons.  Separation Anxiety exists to keep little babies safe, it is hard wired into our brains.  The parent feels anxious because they are too far away to keep their child safe from harm.  This innate emotion keeps us close to our offspring.  How ingenious!! 

 

What can a parent do?  First ask yourself, “What am I afraid will happen when my child is away from me”.  It helps to write all your thoughts down.  Then play devil’s advocate and challenge your fears.  This exercise will help you figure out the basis of your fears.  Some parents worry about their child’s emotional health, others worry that their child will be physically picked on, and there are also worries about a child’s teacher. Notice the common theme is that you as the parent feel helpless. You feel that you cannot keep your child safe from harm.  You are not there to put on the band aid or give a reassuring hug.  Another question to ask yourself is, “as a child did I feel unsafe in the same situations that I as a parent am now anxious about with regards to my own child”.  If this is the case, your worries could stem from unresolved childhood anxiety.

 The next step is to find balance, follow your child’s lead and trust that your child can handle themselves in the big world.  Talking with other parents is important; it can be comforting and therapeutic.  Many parents feel that they are alone and that they are the only one going through this.  Alleviate fear of the unknown by getting to know your child’s caregiver and or teacher.  Plan fun activities for yourself, take advantage of your alone time by rejuvenating your body, mind and spirit.  Taking advantage of down time will help to eliminate the stress associated with Parental Separation Anxiety.

 Do you experience Separation Anxiety?  If you do how do you cope with the anxiety?

The Gift of Happiness

  “If I could wish for one thing in my life, it would be that my children grow up happy,” says Diane, a mother of two girls, ages 6 and 2. Diane is not alone. A research study conducted in 67 countries interviewed parents from diverse cultures, faiths and income levels about what they most wished for their children. The number one answer, by a long shot, was happiness. Every parent wants his or her child to be happy. If you are a parent, you know how true this is.

“Unconditional love is only interested in happiness”  Dr. Robert Holden.

Interestingly making someone else happy is beyond our control.  We are solely responsible for our own happiness.  Due to temperament children experience and react to the world differently, what makes one child happy will not necessarily make another happy.  People who are optimistic tend to feel more happiness than those who are pessimistic.  Money, power, education does not make happiness.  What is a parent to do?

Parents can help children discover their happiness.  Some children do not notice when they are happy, by pointing it out to them they will feel the happiness for a longer period of time and they will begin to notice all the things in life that bring them happiness.  It is also important for your children to see you finding happiness.  When something happens and you feel happy, verbalize it out loud.  You want your little munchkins to hear you rejoice with every happy moment.  Go on a happy hunt, give yourselves a sticker every time you feel happiness.  Then reflect on your happiness chart at the end of the day.  Remembering how happy you were will cross out all the experiences that did not bring joy.  Happy is not the opposite of sad or angry, the opposite of happy is the absence of happy. 

For parents who have depression or have a child with depression. Lifting the depression does not mean that you or your child will feel happy.  Even when the depression is gone, one still needs to notice happiness to feel it and keep it.

What makes you happy?  What do you think brings feelings of happiness to your child?

Momisms

Comedian Anita Renfroe took u-tube by storm with Momisms.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXgoJ0f5EsQ&feature=related

Anita demonstrates in her song that moms are similar all over the world.  We all say the same things to our children and we all share an undying, unconditional love that never ends. 

I’ll never forget what my mom said to me last summer, “The love that you feel for your boys is the same that I feel for you.  I feel it every day.  It never fades, dies or goes away”.   It is love that cannot be explained. It is a love that is only understood once you have children.

With that love many moms tend to forget about themselves.  We all do it.  I don’t know about you, but I love to give to my kids, I love to be with my kids. I truly love being around them.  So when someone tells me that I need to take care of me and take time to myself, I often think, “But I love to be with my kids. It is just so unfortunate that they do not enjoy doing the things that I enjoy like going shopping for pretty things. For my boys it is EB Games or nothing”. 

So I try to find balance, try to do it all, try not to lose myself in the role of mothering. I’m getting tired just thinking about it.  If you are looking for balance I found a great article on balance in motherhood  http://www.parenting.ivillage.com/mom/time/0,,432t,00.html. The nine tips are worth reading and I hope that when my kids leave home I will finally achieve balance.  I think for now I will live in the moment and enjoy every minute with my children, messy house and all.

How do you find balance?  Or do you throw it all out the window and live in the moment

Learning My Way: Learning Disability or Learning Difference?

Learning My Way (Learning Disability or Learning Difference)

“Every child can succeed in their own way”.  Henry Winkler http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1830750/henry_winkler_hank_zipzer/

Henry Winkler has dyslexia. He says “I spent 1/3 of my school life trying to figure-out school, 1/3 of my time trying to figure-out why I couldn’t figure it out and 1/3 trying to hide my learning problems”.  I can relate because that was me.  So much of my energy went into trying to figure-out how to operate within the system, I would study and study for spelling tests and fail.  I would practice and practice my reading and fail.  I would look at my peers and wonder “How do they do it. Maybe I’m just too stupid. Maybe I’m from a different planet”.  By grade seven I had it all figured out and suddenly school was very easy. As an adult I wonder “How many children like me did not figure it out? How many kids with undiagnosed Dyslexia dropped out of school”?

As I watch my boys struggle with the written word, I have noticed something very interesting.  Both of my boys are visual, kinesthetic learners who are highly perceptive.  They each have different strengths or gifts as I’ve been told.  They learn differently from the average child, so are their “gifts” disabilities or mere differences?  A friend said to me the other day “Really smart kids have complex thoughts and it is sometimes hard to get all those complex thoughts out into words”.  When I explained this to my younger son he smiled and replied “That sounds like my brain. I have so much stuff in my thoughts, my words can’t get them all out. I get tired, I feel angry and stop.”  How many really smart kids feel really stupid because they learn differently, or because they can’t get their knowledge out in a way that the teacher can grade it? 

The brain, how we learn, why we do what we do, it is all very interesting.  What are your thoughts, disability or learning difference?  Wouldn’t school be a more interesting place if students were able to learn in their own way?

Luck or Temperament?

Luck or Temperament?

“Luck is not a magical ability or a gift from the gods. Instead, it is a way of thinking and behaving.”

—    Richard Wiseman, PhD

When I read this article it reminded me of Temperament and how we are all born with specific temperament traits.  According to Richard Wiseman, the people who are prone to be “lucky” are the people who are more perceptive and extroverted.  The people who notice the roses instead of walking past them.  The people who stop to talk to everyone and enjoy hearing their stories. I thought of my boys, both are high in the trait of perception.  It would take us all day to get to the park because going to the park was all about the journey and finding interesting stones and bugs along the way.  My youngest is the family member who finds money everywhere we go.  One day we were waiting for Dad outside of Safeway, the little monkey spotted a Tonnie just outside his door, in the parking lot.  His high perception makes him appear to be very lucky, reality the kid is a collector.  His pockets are jammed pack with treasures that he finds on the school yard and at the park.  Among those treasures are pennies, nickels and dimes.  A millionaire in the making.  Luck or highly perceptive?

We can all be lucky, we just need to slow down, smell the roses and take the time to talk with others.  St. Patrick’s Day is on the way, keep your eyes open for leprechaun’s and four-leaf clovers.  Luck of the Irish to you all.

Mommy Guilt

As uncontrollable tears rolled down my check, the harsh reality hit me, “I’m feeling tons of guilt because I can’t make it better, I have to watch him struggle and he inherits this gene from me”. My oldest son struggles with reading and writing, he has Dyslexia.   As I think about my youngest son and all the time we spend on learning how to spell, rhyme, identify b’s from d’s and see words moving in the right direction I face the realization that I will watch two boys struggle with school. I will always wonder, “what if….”

A mom in my store the other day was telling me about her son’s diagnosis of ADHD.  We both came to tears when she said, “I feel so guilty, I can’t make it go away and I’m carrying the gene that gave him ADHD”.  I looked at her and said, “I’m feeling the same way” No matter what I tell myself, I feel guilty……

It ALL Began When You Were Born

Almost 10 years ago I held my first-born for the first time, 8 lbs 12 oz, he was so little, a mop of hair on his head, nestled into my chest.  The love that rushed in was incredible.  I looked down at him and thought, “you’re my responsibility until the day that I die,”  the sudden awareness that I really did not know what I was doing hit me, and it hit me hard.

From the moment our children enter the world till the day that they die, we try to give them the best experiences, we try to be the best for them.  No matter how hard we try, we make mistakes, lots of mistakes. Children do outrageous things (this is how they learn, so unfortunate for us parents), Accidents happen, feelings get hurt, children yell, “you are the worst Mommy ever”, or genetics kicks in and your child has a Learning Disability.  Mommy guilt is never-ending. 

If you are plagued by Mommy Guilt, take a deep breath and tell yourself that you are okay just the way you are.  Your kids are okay, they need to make mistakes to find their way in life.  It’s okay to be different, different makes the world go round.  apologize when you get it wrong, hey we all make mistakes and kids need to see that we have flaws.  And finally; talk to friends about it.  When we hear the guilt that other moms are feeling it normalizes the emotion.  Kinda helps to soften it, like a great big hug.

Mommy guilt is here to stay, we can’t make it go away but we can embrace it and find support from other moms.  Share your Mommy Guilt?